*** 4.6.26, phantom of the opera.
*** 4.3.26, not everything is a subculture!!!
i might make a longer writing post about this or something but i keep seeing people equate fashion styles with entire subcultures. "what subculture suits me? / recommend me a subculture / what subculture should i join?" that's not how it works!!! this is especially noticeable with people trying to get into jfashion--there's an assumption every style has an entire dedicated 'subculture' to it and that's not true. it's driving me nuts. especially for jfashion where so often the only pretext is that you have to dress/do your makeup/whatever a certain way--and then the subculture elements come later, as you find people who dress like you, and attend meets. and again, that doesn't mean every style has an associated 'subculture' with it. plus if we really want to be picky about it the strongest 'subculture' element of jfashion is tied specifically to harajuku. i don't believe that jfashion subculture is only delegated to the space of harajuku, especially in the modern era when everyone has phones and can make online communities and finding local jfashion comms is easier than ever etc, but my point stands for what i'm trying to say about jfashion styles not having their own specific subcultures (a lot of the time) but instead being part of a larger, already existing one--the subculture built around the existence of a fashion district in a specific part of the world. but nooo, that's not niche and specific enough for people since jfashion is such a varied experience with a varied look for everyone who participates in it.
my major takeaway from this is the sad feeling that everyone wants to be alternative enough to not be lumped in with mass 'culture' but no one wants to be SO alternative that they can't belong to a 'subculture.' and usually this 'being alternative' often translates to LOOKING alternative due to this overemphasis on fashion as a byproduct of authenticity and expressing the self within and all your likes/dislikes/media preferences.
there's a separate complaint i could make here about equating visual kei with a specific type of fashion style and people trying to 'dress vkei' and ignoring the actual subculture-y elements of enjoying that music and scene but i'm not extremely versed on it as a rather casual vkei enjoyer and vkgy has privatized their page on it so i can't even brush up on my knowledge of the subject to articulate my argument better. just know that it annoys me. mouseling dot net if you're reading this maybe you might consider making a blogpost about this? lol
*** 3.30.26, adventures into other jfashion.
i finally am branching into other jfashion styles! it's warm enough (too warm for this time of year though) to start busting out the vintage nightwear i've thrifted for cult party kei. i've also been befriending the gals in my local jfashion comm so i've gotten around to practicing gyaru makeup for those meets. cult party kei is an absolute dream for me to wear; it's very comfortable, lightweight, and pretty, but not 'mainstream', all things i like to feel in my fashion. paired with a neon pink blush, i feel unstoppable. i'll have to go back through my 'normie' wardrobe and clear some things out, especially now that my EGL half of my wardrobe is becoming more of a jfashion half of my wardrobe.
i grew up super into makeup tutorial videos in like 2013-2016 or so; sort of the prime time for og makeup youtubers. between that and being a theater kid who took stage makeup classes and helped kids at summer camps with their stage makeup and, of course, getting into cosplay, i've got a pretty solid foundation of makeup skills but i don't wear makeup in my daily life at all anymore. so dipping my toes into something as exaggerated as gal has been difficult for me to adjust to. but it's been fun! since i don't wear false lashes for medical reasons, it sort of restricts me to proper 'oldschool' gal looks, but this works well for me given my general fashion and aesthetic leanings anyways. i thought i would feel weird drawing a droop on and like my eyes look crazy and i would feel self-conscious but honestly all i said when i looked in the mirror after getting the droop drawn on both eyes was: "i look like a doll!" which is essentially my #1 goal when i wear jfashion. i didn't end up wearing a gal outfit that day since i was going to the goth club, i wore my classic kunonoku cross OP in bxw and a half bonnet, but the makeup still worked really well for the look. i'm excited to put together a full gyaru co*de for the gal meet next month. i'm curious what substyle i'll end up leaning towards. on paper rokku and goshikku are the substyles most up my alley, but with lolita i thought i would be an oldschool gothic fan and i mostly wear sweet and classic, so i wouldn't be surprised if something similar happens here.
in unrelated news i'm thinking i may change the formatting of the microblog. i don't usually write enough to justify running a proper 'blog format' for things, i.e. links to 1 post like i do with my writings but on occasion i say a lot or write things that i think could be beneficial to people, like my post about japanese anti-mysteries with links to people translating niche japanese fiction etc, and i want to find things a bit easily again than i can scrolling through my 'megafeed' of writing over the year. probably if something gets over a certain arbitrary assigned length or i think it might be helpful i will probably just slap the link within the feed here? i dunno, kinda thinking as i type here.
*** 3.13.26, positive energy man follow-up.
a few journal entries down i recounted a story of a man in a park who stopped me to tell me i had 'great energy' before finishing up with asking if i liked EDM and parties. i never heard from that guy -- until now!! literally 3 minutes before typing this i glanced at my phone and noticed a text from a number i didn't recognize but knew who it was from right away due to the contents of the message once again mentioning my 'great positive energy'. i'm most likely going to ignore it as he just asked me to coffee on sunday and while this man was quite nice in passing i am not really in the mood to entertain a not-date with him lol. anyways, i never thought the story would have a follow up!
*** 2.6.26, february.
february 2025 crawled like a slow-burning heat wave so i've been a little nervous for feb 2026. i was stuck on my couch resenting the dark, resenting the night, resenting the cold, resenting my loneliness and the stagnation that i felt was sitting heavily around my head. so far feb 2026--even though we're only 6 days into it--has been much better, although i'm still nervous for the midpoint and latter half of the month. we didn't really get a winter at all this year. it was lucky to drop below 30. which was nice in terms of day-to-day activities but scary in the long-term: i think of a woman at a market store telling a man her magnolia tree was beginning to bloom. in january. christ. so far the tree that likes to set off my allergies in front of our apartment complex is still leafless but it typically begins to bud in march; i have a feeling that start-date might crawl up to the beginning of the third week of feb, based off how this whole winter seems to be going.
work has been good and bad; all at once the sphere of responsibility expanded and things clicked. i am busier but more satisfied with my job at least, it doesn't feel like a waste of time, it doesn't drain my brain to wait for the minutes to tick by. i had an annual performance review i was anxious for a whole month over that went, all things considered, the best way it possibly could. i still want to be doing anything else but as usual the job market is relentless with her ghosting.
*** 1.19.26, studio event (18+).
partner & i went to our first proper class at a local rope studio. we've gone to some tasting and kink events in the past at various clubs and the like, but haven't been to an actual wholly-dedicated space/studio for it where you can take classes and do workshops and things. i was in a pretty antisocial mood and was not wanting to talk to anyone at all like pretty much all day but i ended up having a good time so i'm glad i went. the benefit of these kinds of workshops is that you can just kind of do your own thing and not talk to anyone and people will leave you alone because they're also too preoccupied with their partners. it was nice to not be expected to do anything except offer out my arm to my partner so they could practice a single column tie. it kind of reminded me of going to the gym to weightlift back when i was more serious about that--everyone is too focused on themselves and their immediate companions and skill-amassing to pay attention to you (which is a good thing if you're new or shy or, like me, don't/didn't want to talk to anyone but want(ed) to be in the space lol)
being in a space for it made me realize how much i do want to actually pursue this sort of thing as a community-oriented hobby, at least insofar as rope goes, who knows about the other stuff lol. but i have a real respect for the people leading the workshop and have the patience to learn and fiddle with different knots and the like to get into the artistry of it all. if 2025 was the year of branching into the music scene and finding a music-oriented comm built around goth and industrial i guess 2026 might very easily become the year of the rope bondage-oriented comm lol. we're going back to the open lab to practice, which i'm looking forward to; hopefully i'm not in as much of an antisocial/overstimulated/idontknow-whatwasgoingon mood and can enjoy it more actively and maybe talk to some people this time.
not sure how much i'll talk about this kind of thing on here, but i think acting like this stuff can't or shouldn't be discussed in public (adult) avenues is stupid, and i wanted to at least document my first foray into a wholly dedicated space for it. i've been kind of bored at the tastings i've gone to in the past at clubs, or at least found them very unsexy and not very interesting, but i really enjoyed my time at this studio.
*** 1.12.26, excerpt from an email i wrote.
"i don't have any equally crazy stories to share unfortunately, but i have one that comes probably to the halfway mark. i was in a coord walking thru the park but i had forgotten to eat a meal and suddenly got really, really exhausted and felt like i was going to faint, so i turned around and started walking home. i was sweating like crazy, i think because my body was exerting so much energy to make sure i wasn't going to fall over, and as i passed a sidewalk in the park a guy walked by me and then turned around to be like "excuse me! your energy is incredible. wow. amazing energy. also, your outfit is amazing too. i just have to know, how do you have such amazing energy?" and i was like "(trying not to fall over) oh idk..." lol. he was really nice about it though, like super genuine, he wasn't trying to be a creep, so it was a nice convo, just a funny starter. he kept going: "i do meditation and yoga so i can pick up on people's energy like that (he snapped his fingers) and yours is just...wow. do other people tell you this?" "uhhh, no," i said. "well that's a shame. really?" he replied, "i was just hit with your amazing energy and then i saw your outfit and was like: wow, yeah, no wonder your energy is so awesome!"
his outfit was pretty awesome too, he was wearing a nice blazer and a blue tartan wool scarf that he had folded really nicely instead of haphazardly draping it. of course the whole thing ended with him talking about wanting to invite people to an electronic dance party. [...] anyway after that i went home and devoured a meal and felt much better. [...] [i mostly thought it was so funny that] my energy was so awesome apparently and meanwhile i was like half-sick with the effort of just trying to stand up lol"
*** 1.7.26, hi.
i got sick a few days ago but luckily i'm almost fully recovered. either way, not a great start to the new year lol. pathologic 3 comes out on friday, i'm very excited (never mind that i still have to beat silent hill F and a few other games too...). kinda can't believe we're finally getting it after all these years although i won't lie i'm dreading the influx of video essays that will come out and thus create a revival of pathologic "fans" who have never actually played or watched a LP of the games themselves. it's honestly so annoying trying to talk about these games with anyone because 99% of the time they just regurgitate stuff from hbomberguy or codex entry's videos like that gives them any actual insight (codex entry's video is pretty good...i haven't seen hbomberguy's video though and honestly i have a bit of a vendetta against it for making pathologic so popular in this way even though i'm sure it's fine lol)